I got up today, tired, which was weird because I got into bed at around 10:30 and I got up at 8:10 or so...and I thought that I slept pretty well. I drug myself into the shower, shaed, washed, brushed teeth and all that cleanliness stuff that I do, and then got out, wrapped a towel around me and went and fired up my computer. Cherish was on and we talked until I was almost late for work because I still had to get dressed and make a lunch. She absolutley made my day. I told her that I needed help with my hair cut because I had no idea what I was going to do with it. When we were going out I cut it pretty short once and she absolutley loved it and she told me that I should cut it that long. Then she said she hadnt seen what I look like since in was in MI a year ago, and at time I had hair down to around my neck and it was all curly and I weighed something like 125 lbs. I had a few of the pictures that Drew took when we were working one day and I don't like them at all, mainly because I look a bit heavier than I am in them, but they served the purpose of showing her what I look like. She said she thought my hair was crazy and needed to be cut, but she liked the way I look and that I look a lot more mature and she couldnt figure out why I am not getting any dates or anything. I felt so good after her telling me that. I am ini a good mood...becuase of my ex. As she put it...'I should be cursing your lineage and the very ground you walk on for the shit you pulled'. She and i agree that we are way better as friends than we are as a couple. I actually think it would possibly work between she and I now, but since she is 3000 miles away, she is GU (geographically undesierable), and therefore there is no point on thinking of the matter. She cracks me up though. She called my short hair cut the 'Padawan cut' and used to call me her 'little padawan' and it used to drive me up the fucking walls at the time. But she told me I was 'freakin hot' back then. I called her up on the phone to say thank you for making my day and she laughed and said I was easy to please. I told her that there havent been too many girls giving me those kind of compliments. Just her and Elle telling me that I look good in my bellbottoms...but that is a given...Im Yodhan...Savvy?

I practiced for an hour yesterday. It felt pretty good. I talked to my guitar teacher and mentor David and he said that he thinks that it is just like a marathon runner who used to be able to run 30 miles taking a 6 month break and then getting up one morning and thinking he can run a marathon again. He said that I use a heavy string set (.010-.60 for those who know guitar strings...the high three strings are off a set of 10's and that bottom three are heavy mothers...its a Zakk Wylde signature setup and they sound badass but the bass strings are mother heavy) and that I used a mega-heavy pick (1.5 millimeter...thats monsterouts by most standards), which is a good thing because heavier strings and heavy picks are good for the tone I want, but they make it harder on the muscles of my hand. And he reminded me that all of my muscles atraphied (sp?...got weaker and were eatten up) due to my thyroid disease and that since I havent really played that much, I didnt get those muscled back into shape and I jumped right back into pumping those heavy strings around and playing fast for an hour a day and my muscles weren't ready for it. He recomended I take it slow for a week or two and just make sure I keep my pace down to get the stamina back and then start bringing my speed back up. So I took his advice last night (I didn't practice the night before becuase of the emotional problems...but as evident by my good mood and renewed self esteem, I am over all that stupid emotional bullshit) and I only was a little bit sore and that was because I did my exercises a bit too fast in the beginning. I felt quite accomplished. I also started learning how to play 'N.I.B.' but Black Sabbath. Its not a particularly difficult song...the solo will take a bit of work, but the song itself if just a solid Sabbath song. Something good to learn and jam along with. I want to get a good repetoir down because in the end, playing the guitar is about playing songs live, not scales and exercises. I really need to find some people to play with, just to jam. I want to get better at improvisation or just playing with someone. I really want to get better at soloing and the only way that is going to happen is get together with someone and just go back and forth with a jam and alternate soloing. I know I will suck in the beginning, but that's how it goes. I figure that if I can get five or six songs down I could have a decent set for me to just play live with people as a jam and have some fun.

I seem to be getting more energy from my thyroid supplement. ALthough I was in bed at 10...10:30 ish last night, but I was really tired for some reason. I know I will be tired today becuase I am working a 12 hr day, but bussiness has been light. I have had a steady flow of customers, but they have all been questions or me turning them away due to not having phones in stock...but that changed a few minutes ago because we got some in. YAY!!! Also, I was on the phone with Cherish talking about life and all that funky stuff. She is so cool...it may not have worked romantically between us but as a friend I would hate to lose her. I love how we view eachother. She says that she wants to introduce me to all the guys that she meets as 'This is Steve and he is the guy who messed me up for the rest of the world because he was so stupid' and I want to introduce her to all the girls I meet and say 'This is Cherish and she is the one who messed it up for the rest of the world because she was so good to me.' Aren't we a weird combo?

I want to play guitar tommorow.

I need to find someone to take pictures of me!!! Someone, please help me!!! I have a Nikon camera that you can use...I will show you how to use it...I just need someone to take the pictures!!! I want some taken of me and my guitar, although I need to polish it before that happens. She has some serious sweat marks on her from all the practicing that I do. When she is all polished up....god...visual orgasm. I need a cigarette just looking at her. I don't know if any picture will do her justice, but I have a lot of Fuji color film, which is the best stuff, or so I am told, for color. I will get some pictures of me after I get my hair cut. I need something up to date on MySpace and for the profile pictures of my various blogs.

I finished 'The Historian'. Very good book. I was actually getting nightmares from that book about getting attacked by vampires, something that never has scared me. Normally my dreams of getting attacked my vampires are quite kinky and very cool but I was waking up in a cold sweat, groping my neck, looking for puncture wounds and blood. The ending was one of those that kept you turning the pages and it didn't end at all how you expect it to. Scariest part of the book: When the professor is in the middle of talking and then stops suddenly and looks at the two he is talking to and simply asks 'Is the sun setting?' 'Why?' 'He's waking...the sun is setting and he is waking and I am waking with him. You can not be here when he wakes...leave now!' Scared me right out of my skin. I do have to tell you though, they're portrayal of Vlad Tepes, or Dracula, is so damn good. He made me rethink how a vampire would act, especially one like him. I loved it.

Now I am reading a book called 'The Cabinet of Curiosities' which my Mum's friend lent me becuase he said I would like it if I like the darker fiction. I haven't actually began it yet, but it is a science thriller that is about a torture charnel house that is found in New York City that has corpses from a century earlier in it. After it is discovered, similar murders start ocouring and it hints at the killer being immortal. Very compelling.

I have a few new ideas for Eternal Lament. I have a scene comming up that I have to write where Icharus meets the vampire council of Los Angeles and I have been trying to figure out how to portray them. A council of vampires isnt something that normally is covered. There is the one in Blade, but in most movies and stories, vampires are few and far between and rather reclusive. I am having their 'haven house' be a large club that Icharus has played at frequently. Its an old converted theatre that they turned into a club for the main room, but behind the scenes it is where the council runs the vampires of the city. The vampire politics of my story somewhat parallel what goes on in the Vampire: the Masquerade role-playing game, but I am not delving too deep into it, or getting into creating clans and all the masquerade bullshit. I am going to brush on the rules that make it so they remain hidden, but there wont be too much else.

This whole renewed interest in vampires had made me think a lot about all the vampire stories I have read. Although, after reading 'The Historian', I don't think that I will be researching vampires anytime soon....bad shit starts happened when you do that...like 'Dracula comes to take you to his tomb so you can be his slave forever' kinda bad shit.

Only 22 minutes before I can go on my break...YAY!!!

I have this idea lyrically for a song in my head...I just havent quite fleshed it out and I really need to write it down and I dont have a notepad and pen...grr...well I have the pen, but I didnt bring my satchel to work which has all my song writting stuff in it. Unless...*gets up to check the back to see if I left it there* YES...I left a notbaook here. Ha...now I can write the lyrics down on my break. I keep getting interupted when I am working on the lyrics here in the store, this way i can just sit down and hash it out on my break and not worry about dumbass customers.

Of course, I can go on my break a little early and no one would know better...unless they read this journal. HAHAHA...I live on the edge baby! I am so out of here in a few minutes. I already have my sign for the door printed up and everything.

The song is a retrospective about a relationship. I am not sure if it is going to be in Eternal Lament...it is just something that came to my head after watching 'High Fidelity' and thinking about the infamous 'List'. Maybe it was from watching 'Rock Star' too... I love that movie. I love the ending. It almost makes me want to cry.

EDIT:

Here's the lyrics. I think that they're may be a bridge somewhere in the middle, but maybe I'll just insert some face-melting, virtuostic solo there instead.

*verse 1*
I take a look around
May darkness surround me
How did I get here
How'd I end up next to you?

*verse 2*
Yes I'll admit that I am lonely
Trapped in this hermit world
But if I want to think of pain
All I need is to think of you

*chorus*

Don't try your tears on me
I am not the man
That I used to be
And I hope you understand
I won't bleed again
When you ask it of me

*verse 3*
I see your accusing eyes
Asking me how'd I get so strong
You want to know what happened?
I overdosed on your lies

*verse 4*
You can't make me do
What I am sure you want me to do
And I know that your last kiss
Will leave me wanting more from you

Chorus

*insert bridge or face melting solo*

Chorus

It is weird. I am sure that most people who read the lyrics see the line 'I won't bleed again, when you ask it of me' and think of this song as a song for Eternal Lament. Yes, this song could very well end up in the play, seeing that Eternal Lament is a twisted biography of me, at least for a part of it, but this song is actually directly written for/about someone in particular. I have no idea if the song will ever get to her, unless she by some fluke happens to be at a show of mine that I play the song at, and even then, I am not sure if she would realize in that situation that the song was about her. She knows a lot about my past relationships and will undoubtably think that the song is about one of the other girls. I am so very tempted to send her an email with the lyrics and tell her that I finally finished the song about her. She knew that I was writting one about her and she was quite pleased that I was becuase when we originally started our relationship, I told her that I was not going to write a song about her and she said that she knew I would...and I ended up starting one, but it ended before I could finish it. The lyrics are still on my computer...on my desktop actually, the file titled 'Sappy Love Song'. I havent worked on them because I haven't felt the urge. Now I think I can, without a problem, finish the song. It will no longer be about her, but that isn't a problem. I have a couple songs about girls that I have never met/who dont exist. 'Sunset Angel', one of my favorite songs lyrically, that I have ever written, is about a girl who doesn't exist. Maybe this one will be the same.

But, nonetheless...for all of those who were waiting for the lyrics...which I don't think were too many people becuase the post was only up for an hour before I came in with the edit and added the lyrics, here they are.

For those of you who weren't waiting on the edge of your chair, refreshing your screen every five seconds, hoping I was back from my break with a finished piece of work...

...Pfft...I so don't blame you.

I am gone...I started that book and it is already interesting me.